Monday, 2 November 2009

Yo Mama Jokes

YO MAMA SOOOOO POOR ...

Her face is on the front of a food stamp.

That your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.

When I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.

She waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.

Burglars break into yo momma's home and leave money.

When I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.

The building society repossessed her cardboard box.

She watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers

She can't even afford to go to the free clinic.

When I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked yo momma what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.

I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.

When I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'

I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."

I visited yo momma's house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"

I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."

Only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...

When I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."

She hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.

Closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...

She had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

Even Beggars give you money.

She bounces food stamps.

She can't even afford to pay attention.

She uses cardboard and ribena as bread and wine substitutes.

She uses chewing gum as a band aid.

She lives in a 2-story Cracker Jack box.

She uses white-out as a tooth filler.

She can't afford a mop - she stands on her head in order to mop the floor...

Her idea of Desert was to go outside and collect the 'yellow snow'...and yo loved it, didn't ya!

Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.

Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy.

Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit.

Yo momma's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.

Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo momma's so short, she does back flips under the bed


Yo Mama so old...

She left her purse on Noah's Ark.

Jurassic Park brought back the memories...

When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.

She still owes Moses a dollar.

When she was at school...there was No history class!

She uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea

She's got the first autographed Koran.

She co-wrote the 4th Commandment.

When I asked for Her ID yo mama handed me a rock

She even made Yoda jealous.

She recalls When the Grand Canyon was a ditch.

The fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake

When She gave birth, You came out with Dentures.

She sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade

Her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.

Her birthday expired.

When Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo mama fishing on the other side!

She got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.

Her social security number is 000-000-001

She's got Adam and Eve's autograph

She starting to fart out Mummy dust

Her zip code is 00001.

She used to baby sit Yoda

She uses chewing gum as a band aid.

She used to cut Betty Rubble's hair

She used to gang bang with the Flintstones

She was once a waitress at the last supper

Spielberg hired her as historical consultant on Jurassic Park

She was the only Creature in Jurassic Park they never had to animate

She uses T-Rex dropping as fertilizer.

She was co-author of the Dead Sea scrolls

When God said 'let there be light', yo mama was the one flicking on the light switch.

She baby-sat for Pythagorus

She used to get sermon tips from Zeus.

She offered odds of 4 to 1 on Adam eating the apple

They call her Captain Caveman

She's more ancient than everything seen on the Antiques Road Show

She the only one at the old folks home with a senior citizens discount.

Mel Gibson hired yo mama to offer insights on what life was like with William Wallace

She got told to act Her own age...and she died.

She farts out dust.

Her birth certificate says "Expired" on it.

She used to baby-sit Pascal

She invented the term 'oldest profession in the world'

She's in Jesus's yearbook!

She sat behind Yoda in the third grade.

Your momma so fat...

THAT I GET £10,000 FROM ADVERTS A DAY

When she hauls butt she has to make two trips.

When she dances she makes the band skip.

When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave your momma 13 years to live.

She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Her butt has its own congressman.

Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw your momma peanuts.

Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."

The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

"Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of your momma's butt cheeks.

All the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Your Momma"

When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

She's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

When I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.

She could sell shade.

When she crosses the street, cars look out for yo momma.

People jog around her for exercise.

I ran around her twice and got lost.

She gets runs in her jeans.

Her blood type is Ragu.

When she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

If she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!

She has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

When she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

She can't even jump to a conclusion.

She went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.

She can't even fit in the chat room.

She put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

She has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.

Yo momma's so fat; she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!

Yo momma's so fat; she went to the salad bar and pulled up a chair.

Yo momma's so fat; she won Miss Bessie the Cow @YEAR@.

Yo momma's so fat; she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo momma's so fat; she's got her own post code.

Yo momma's so fat; she's got her own zip code!

Yo momma's so fat; she's in two time zones at the same time!

Yo momma's so fat; she's on both sides of the family!

Yo momma's so fat; she's sits on coal and farts out a diamond.

Yo momma's so fat; she's works in the movies -- as the screen.

Yo momma's so fat; the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her.

Yo momma's so fat, the airline charges her round trip for each flight.

Yo momma's so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo momma's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear Caution! Wide Turn.

Yo momma's so fat; they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo momma's so fat, they invented super extra strength ultra Slim Fast.

Yo momma's so fat; they mistake her for a country.

Yo momma's so fat, to her light food means under 4 Tons.

Yo momma's so fat; to lose a few pounds she takes off her girdle.

Yo momma's so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped.

Yo momma's so fat, when a cop saw her he told her Hey you two break it up!

Yo momma's so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.

Yo momma's so fat, when she bungee jumps she brings down the bridge too.

Yo momma's so fat, when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo momma's so fat, when she falls it measures on the Richter scale!

Yo momma's so fat; when she fell in love she broke it!

Yo momma's so fat, when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to parties people scream Kool-Aid!

Yo momma's so fat, when she has sex she has to give directions!

Yo momma's so fat, when she has to haul ass it takes two trips!

Yo momma's so fat, when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo momma's so fat, when she moons people they turn into Werewolves.

Yo momma's so fat, when she puts her foot down she clears rain forests.

Yo momma's so fat, when she sings, it's over!

Yo momma's so fat; when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo momma's so fat, when she sweats everyone around her wears raincoats!

Yo momma's so fat, when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th.

Yo momma's so fat, when she turns around it’s her birthday.

Yo momma's so fat; when she turns around they throw her a welcome-back party.

Yo momma's so fat; when she walks in high heels she strikes oil.

Yo momma's so fat; when she walks she leaves snail tracks....

Yo momma's so fat, when she wears her X jacket helicopters try to land.

Yo momma's so fat, when she wears red all the kids scream Kool-Aid!

Yo momma's so fat, when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo momma's so fat; when you put her in a Jacuzzi she makes her own gravy!

Yo momma's so fat, whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

you can slap her thighs and ride the waves in!

you can't tell if she is coming or going...

your family portrait has stretch marks.